Hey Yeah I am so Happy to be here! Yes Yes Yes! I am the type of guy who celebrate life so clap if you having a great life! Clap if you have a Great Job, Great Life,! Clap if you a Home owner Yeah! I celebrate Life Man! I celebrate even bad stuff so clap your hands if you don't have a Good Life! Clap if you been unemployed for at lease a year Clap if you live in your Mom's Basement! Clap if you still ride public transportation! Shooot you have to Celebrate all things in life and Let me tell you nothing wrong with the bus or metro. Shit I fucks with a smartrip until that bitch have a negative balance and you can't through again. It's a catch 22 with the Smartrip it works cause you know if it is 5cents on there you can still get to where you gotta go, but make sure where ever you go you have money on the other side! Shiiit cause when you come out the gates you in the rear like someone who owe 5 years worth of Child support! Metro is High as Fuck! But it's cool I have to pay cause I don't have a car. Who wants to buy me a Car, I am foreal just buy me car and I'll say thank you, even exchange.
I'm not a Comedian I just came here cause they had free food in the back so I ate all the Popeyes. I'm a security Guard well a flash light cop I have no gun or badge I don't have a flash light just a pen and log book. So if a crime break out I can hide under my desk and write that shit the fuck up! You know cursive to make it look tight very detail dress it all up. One day a Tenant looked at me when she was getting robbed "like you aint going do nothing! I said Miss you see this Incident Report I am on top of it. Observe and Report that is my job. I love my Job I get paid to Watch TV and Go Work Out, Hell I take naps too. Hold up(Look Around) I have to Make sure my Boss not here! The one thing I hate about security is that they get my job confuse with a Cleaner. They be like Yes this is Lisa from the 4th floor we have a spill in the kitchen can you come up with a mop. I be like Hell No Bitch I am not Jose. Nothing wrong with being a cleaner but That bitch Lisa need to reconize the order of command. I may be next to last But I aint Last!
Yeah the Ladies look good tonight Show the Ladies Love Fellas!!!!!!! I look at some of you and yall make my stomach hurt. Yall come in here with your Hooker outfits on and your T&A on display trying to make a sell. You sex dealers looking for the Highest Bidders I call yall Auction Bitches. Like this Next Item up for Bid........Double D's Tramp stamp of a Butterfly wit Tongue Ring! We will start at $500 dollars can I get $550....$550 $600 $650 $700 SOLD! To the old man with the Viagra Bottle and Oxygen Tank! Yall Ladies a Trip but see I have a nice woman in my life. We been together for like 15months and I keep it real with her I told her all my dirt and that help. We good together she bring a balance to me like for instance I'm not the Hardest dude you know I aint DMX or nothing like that but I use to run in the streets but now I don't. The other day my Home Boy called and was Like What you doing Man I was like watching House Hunters My Boy said what is that this show on HGTV this house they showing now has ample closet space and The floor plan is very open. He said I'm sorry I must have called the wrong House! Or they be Like you see the Game I be like No I was making a Bowl on Pottery Sunday. Sike I don't make Pottery on Sunday......It's Tuesday Night but that Bowl be Gangsta with a Skull it. I am not ashame to take interest in what my Ladie do You have to be supportive just all I ask is that you not Wear a Man Purse! Women will try to sneak that on you. Try and make it appealing like Idris Elba wear one I be like Stringer Bell never wore one. I don't know Idris Elba but Stringer Bell went out Like a G on The Wire and G's don't wear them. They also be like well it's European and I be like Well I'm American I never been to Europe.
Family is important Clap if you love your Family! But they can be some evil people too Clap if you hate them! Don't front it is somebody now that Hating on Family member right now it can be over stupid things. Like my two of my sisters not speaking now cause The oldest one made better Kool Aid or My Pops not speaking to my Uncle cause he renege in a spade game in 87 so every cook out they can't be at the same table. My family wild my Parents been together 32 years and never been married had 16 kids struggle through Drug Abuse Infidelity and they still together........But they hate each other they fight all the time and it is no kids involved cause all the kids got taken away. FORREAL SOCIAL SERVICES RAN IN OUR SPOT AND TOOK US. We needed that like it was rough growing up we had to sub lease a house from RATS! No bullshit like we moved in a house with a Family of RATS. They also had attitudes they looked at us like we were invading their space. When we would walk down the hall or down the stairs they didn't move they was like Fuck Yall we were here first. We aint had no beds right so we slept on the floor and the Rats got mad like these motherfuckers holding up our Rec time going to sleep and shit. It was hard man but we survived it.
My parents been off drugs for 5 years but now my Dad is an alcoholic and he think that drinking is not a problem and my Dad not a Hard Drunk he get Shit Faced of Budwiser like what the fuck and when he get Drunk he talk so much shit. Like I been Living on Earth for 51 years and I seen Jesus Christ give Birth to a Elephant cause he Walk through space to Party at the MotherLand! You be like What the Fuck He just say! And he always have to Piss you can't go no where with him it is like my 3year old. He also get in his happy mood where he give out money like He in a strip club you be like Daddy buy me some Newports he gives you $50 and be like Keep the change Knowing when he Broke he gonna need that money. Then when sober he accuse you of stealing from him Like He'll say shit like MotherFucking thieves always go in my Wallet and take shit That's why your Real Father Name is Bubba! Like who is Bubba he always say that.
My Mom a trip she claim to be deaf in one ear but I have not seen no medical paperwork I just think she woke up one Morning and decided FUCK THIS I'M TUNING ALL THE BULLSHIT OUT. She only hear good when you talking about money or when a Micheal Jackson song is on. Like you be like Ma I am having problems I need your help.............. she just Nod and then be like what you say? You been talking for 10 minutes and she have not heard one word but let her be upstairs and I am Downstairs and my sister ask to buy her a roll up my mom upstairs like and B.J. get me a Pepsi while you at it you be like How she Hear that. My Family I love them but I hate them but no matter what we still family.
Like I said I am not a Comedian I just talk about my life Like I see it.........Peace!
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